I need to learn to just stop talking….

The other day I was sitting outside with my co-workers helping prepare lunch for the activistas participating in a health seminar. I was playing and giggling with a toddler when I made the offhanded comment about wanting to have kids one day (I have been feeling RIDICULOUSLY maternal lately, so don’t be surprised if I come home with a troupe of children accompanying me). Upon hearing my comment, the women said that I needed to find a good woman first to have kids. Having gotten quite good at skirting the girlfriend/marriage issue, I posed the idea that I could simply adopt a child and raise them as my own. This is when I should have stopped talking…

They proceeded to tell me that I could adopt, but A) had to have a wife, and B) had to have at least one biological child. Why, I asked, couldn’t I simply just adopt? I mean there are plenty of orphan children in Mozambique and America in need of good families. Why was it so important that I have a biological child? Well, you would have thought I had that black was white and up was down! I have never seen them so galvanized around a single issue! They were adamant that I could not call an adopted child my son or daughter. One woman even went so far as to say if I gave the child my last name I would be stealing it! She called me a robber!

Not wanting to back down (and loving a good argument) I started posing questions to get them to think about their opinion. Why was a biological child so important? What were they differences between adopted and biological children? They said that I could treat the children the same, but then why was it a necessity that I have one over the other? Then I started to ask them what they thought about women not wanting to go through the ordeal of pregnancy but still wanting to raise children - or women who were unable to have children but were willing to adopt. In the end, no matter what direction I approached the issue they refused to look at it any differently; stating that it would be unconscionable for me to simply raise a child as my own without naturally spawning another Zachery Junior. They kept going back to say that their view on the issue was because of their culture. But I reminded them that cultures change and that even a few years ago, they probably wouldn’t have had the jobs they currently hold because of a particular cultural view. That gave them pause.

I can’t wait to send them a Christmas card in 5 years of me, my husband, and little Gabriel or Annabelle sitting around a Christmas tree. One big unnatural happy family. We should all be so lucky.

One Love (some kid said that to me the other day...)

Z